


The Pizza Man Cometh

by LustyLadyJane



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Episode Tag, Episode: s06e10 Caged Heat, Friendship, Humor, Mutual Masturbation, Other
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2011-07-29
Updated: 2011-07-29
Packaged: 2017-10-21 22:28:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 688
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/230544
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LustyLadyJane/pseuds/LustyLadyJane
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Castiel has a problem that all his millenia of experience hasn't prepared him for.<br/>SPOILERS FOR S6-10: CAGED HEAT</p><p>Written for SPN_Bitesized's <a href="http://spn-bitesized.dreamwidth.org/73727.html">Merry Month of Masturbation</a>. The prompt was <i>Dean helps Castiel learn how to masturbate. In a hands on sort of way.</i></p>
            </blockquote>





	The Pizza Man Cometh

**Author's Note:**

  * For [childe_strife](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=childe_strife).



> I doubt this is the story childe_strife had in mind. It's certainly not the story I intended to write. Dean's voice took over and, well... we all know how stubborn he can be.

Dean was scrubbing the blood out of his hair and trying to figure out how to talk some sense into Robo!Sam when he heard a familiar rustle of wings and distant echo of thunder behind him. He turned to see a shadow on the shower curtain. “Dude! What is it about “personal space” you don’t understand?”

“I need your help.” Cas sounded confused and slightly embarrassed.

Dean frowned. Less than two hours ago, Cas had been in full-on ‘I Am an Angel of the Lord, I Shall Fuck You Up’ mode. Something weird must have happened for him to be this rattled. In their line of work, weird was never good. Sticking his head out of the curtain, he asked, “What’s up?”

Cas glanced down at his crotch. The fabric was drawn tight, outlining his hardon. “It went away, earlier; but it’s back. I believe kissing Meg did something to it.”

“No, really?” Laughter bubbled up inside Dean and he allowed a snicker to escape. “Looks like a personal problem to me. Lotion’s on the nightstand. Just… do it somewhere that isn‘t here, okay? I‘m not sure I‘m ready to watch an angel jacking off.”

The angel in question shifted uncomfortably. Blushing furiously, he confessed, “That is why I am here. It didn't work. As I said, I need your help.”

Scraping his jaw off the floor, Dean spluttered, “The Hell? You saying you want me to…? Boundaries, Cas. You gotta work on boundaries.” His brain did a sudden double-take. “Didn’t work? How the hell do you screw up a hand job?”

Cas shrugged. “It hurt. I didn’t use lotion, was I supposed to? Also, I may have squeezed too hard.”

Dean grimaced in sympathy. “You don’t squeeze, you, uh... slide.  And, yeah, lotion helps. A lot.“ He shut off the water, and began drying himself. “I still don’t get it. You? Yeah, I get angels not knowing about these things. But Jimmy? No guy is _that_ innocent -- I don’t care how devout he is. Can’t he, like, talk you through it or something?”

“Jimmy is no longer with me.”

“No shit?” Dean’s head was spinning: Crowley’s confession, Robo-Sam’s admission, angelic erections, and now this.

“No shit.” Cas spoke in that weird tone he had that was smack in-between cluelessness and sarcasm.

“You might have mentioned that little fact. What happened?” Dean wrapped the towel around himself and stepped out of the shower. “Is he okay? I mean, you‘re still wearing him, so who’s he walking around as?”

“I might have mentioned it, were I not preoccupied with the Apocalypse and a Civil War. And, yes, he is okay. When we were smited at the Prophet’s, Jimmy’s soul was released from his body. He is in a Heaven in which he never left his wife and daughter.” Cas grew pensive. “There are times I miss his presence, but for me to show myself would… disrupt… that Heaven. He might remember his true family is still here on Earth; and he would almost certainly remember the pain he endured for me. I would prefer for that not to happen.”

Dean could understand that. Jimmy had suffered a buttload of injuries when Cas was wearing him. Then there was the psychic whiplash of being ripped out of Cas once before, having his daughter possessed by him… it… an Angel of the Lord. Which was better than being possessed by a demon -- at least angels ask permission -- but it couldn’t have been easy on Jimmy or the kid.

What he couldn’t understand was how come Cas didn’t know diddly about masturbating. “You telling me, Jimmy never once jerked off when you were wearing him?“

“He never expressed a desire to do so, and I never felt the need. Until now.” Cas finally looked Dean in the eye. ”Will you help me, Dean?”

After a long moment, Dean let the towel slip to the floor. He picked up the bottle of lotion and walked into the bedroom. “Breathe one word of this to anyone, and I‘ll rip every last one of your friggin’ feathers out and stuff ‘em down your throat.”


End file.
